To do, do, do

R hasn't even been deployed 24 hours and I've already come to a great realization: I don't like taking care of things on my own. I know, it sounds obvious. Let me explain.

Finances, making phone calls, fixing stuff, taking care of other miscellaneous stuff... I don't like doing it. R takes care of EVERYTHING. He pays the bills, he gives me money when I ask for it, I ask if I can order something online and he says ok. I'm in a bubble. A spoiled little bubble.

I told him when we're old and grey and if he should happen to die before me, I'll be the wife that doesn't even know our checking account number. I don't mind one bit, y'all. Oh and yes, we do plan on getting married at some point so for the love of god don't bug me about that shit when he's nearly 8000 miles away - gah!!!

A pause while I collect myself ... aka take a sip of wine. Semantics.

I don't have the full list of things R needs taken care of while he's away but the preliminary list includes, but is not limited to:

- Suspend his cell phone service (Done)

- Set up a cell phone for a family member of his (Done)

- Tie up loose ends at his apartment, including seeing if that twerpy landlord will let me get some of R's personal belongings he didn't have time to go back for. (Sorta done. I left him a voicemail today.)

- Pay his bills not on auto-debit (including my salary as his baby mama and all-around great girlfriend).

- Fly to San Diego and pick up his car that he had to leave on base since they didn't give him time to take it to his storage facility and holy christ sit around and wait wait wait then go, go, go!!

- Drive to AZ to take care of family stuff (his) and go to M's graduation (yay!)

- Drive his car back to Oregon (I'm not going to lie, I might enjoy that part. Not driving it all that way but driving it for a couple of days every month while it's here. You know, to keep it running right and all that.)

HELLO!

I admit, I have a "thing" for R's car. Gonna be weird to be in San Diego without R, gonna be even weirder driving his car without him in it for the forseeable furture. I think I can manage... that other stuff, though. Sigh. Did I mention most of it needs to be taken care of in the next WEEK?

Pass me my bubble.

Houston, We Have a MF'ing Problem

First off, I have to chastise myself since I was determined not to turn this into a deployment blog (not that there's anything wrong with them) but here I am, so many posts in and they're all tagged "deployment".

And he hasn't even deployed yet.

I suppose being able to write about it on your space helps in a way. People have the choice to read it or not read it, not like Twitter or Facebook where you feel you may be annoying people talking about it so much. 

Another thing I was determined not to do during this deployment is wallow. When R was activated, I wallowed. His first deployment, I wallowed some more. 

We all know the signs of wallowing: drinking too much wine, eating too much junk, not taking care of oneself, waving arms and shouting to the sky, "Why God, WHY?"

That last part may only happen after too much wine.

Both of the events, the activation and the deployment, happened before we had Can-man so it was a bit easier to crawl into bed and not remove myself again for a day or two. That's a little harder to do when you have small children about. They want to be clothed, bathed, fed sometimes. Wallowing is not an option.

I was at the gym yesterday for my cardio kickboxing class, I made myself go to counterattack the wallow urge, and I didn't feel one tiny bit better after leaving there. Odd, I know. I can usually scrape up an endorphin or two on my worst days so I figured keeping myself firmly out of the pit of despair was going to be a bit tougher than I originally thought.

What I really wanted to do on the way home was stop at Taco Time for a crispy bean burrito (or two) since having Taco Bell two nights in a row felt too gluttonous - but mixing it up with Taco TIME would be completely different.

There was just one problem, though. Can-man was running low on almond milk so I'd have to swing by the store instead. Stopping at the store held more of a chance I'd get something for dinner that was not horribly bad for me (and my thighs).

I was picking up a couple of Amy's Meals when I happen to glance over at the wine section (yes, really, a GLANCE) and saw this: 

ONLY my favorite Oregon Riesling now IN BOX FORM. FOUR bottles worth, to be exact. How in the deep fried fuck am I going to keep myself from wallowing with THIS thing out on the market?

I bought one. Oh yes, I did. I'm going to try and pace myself, though... honest!

What we REALLY don't need to discuss is how many cookies I consumed last night. Off to the gym to work THOSE off.... see you in about 5 or 6 hours. Oh boy.

Retail Therapy is Therapeutic

Can-man and I had a bad day yesterday. It's funny since I always tell myself the first day R departs is the worst day, so I kind of count on that to be true but then I get pissed when the day AFTER the day sucks donkey balls on top of it. I feel gipped, you guys, gipped.

I'd be kidding myself to think that having R here and then having him leave doesn't affect Can-man as much as it does me. The boy lights up when R is around, following him around everywhere so he's going to feel the absence his departure leaves us with. 

I was on the NEX website yesterday, you know, looking around when I just so happened to notice the Michael Kors sunglasses I've been pining for went on sale. They were practically giving them away! I stared and drooled a little while they taunted me from the screen, saying: Buy me, you will feel SO much better if you buy me! 

I texted R and mentioned the sunglasses I've been pestering him about for the past 2 weeks, they were on sale! A great sale! These would be my Mother's Day gift,  and see I'm actually helping you out since you won't have time to shop! I'm the best baby mama ever, ever!

And I sat back and waited. Patiently awaited the reply text telling me to go ahead and get the sunglasses. 

That text never came. Instead I got a couple of "Lol"s and "check you out"s. Nothing that said, "Alright already order the damn things so you'll finally shut up about them." I'll take a half-hearted "fine" text, people, that still gets the job done.

Can-man and I both continue with our crappy day with whining, not wanting to nap (him), wanting to sleep for the next 3 days (me), more whining, some crying, and dinner at Taco Bell to top it all off.

Oh stop. I'll have you know, I go to Taco Bell so infrequently I had trouble even navigating the menu. Bless Luis for being so patient with me, with his hot self. Luis further wooed me by giving me a mountain of green taco sauce and TWO toys in Can-man's kids meal (that he only ate the spiraly things out of). Here R's been gone not even 48 hours and I'm already finding Luis the Taco Bell drive-thru guy attractive. It's going to be a long 9ish months.

I consume my Taco Bell, which was delicious, and once fortified with Loco Taco goodness I decided to try a different tack regarding the glasses. Texts were met with laughter and derision so I thought a straight-forward phone call was in order. 

"Every time you have a bad day you always want to buy something", says R.

"My logic is flawed... how?"

Finally R gives a half-hearted acquiesce, "I guess it will be ok" and that's all I needed to hear. These babies will be here soon, hopefully by the weekend.

They call it retail therapy because it's therapeutic, R.

Not My 1st Rodeo

R left yesterday, not deployed just yet but close enough that Can-man and I won't be seeing him again before he departs. I've learned to hold it together pretty well when we bid our farewells, R doesn't like when I cry so I try really hard to smile and hug, wave, say I love you - and then drive away so I can bawl in peace.

On the way to the airport I had Slacker radio tuned into the 80s station and Journey's Faithfully came on. I could have turned it off or gotten quiet and reflective... maybe shed a tear or two... Instead, I started to sing along, loudly. With much hand waving and histrionics.

"They say the road ain't no place to start a family" You ain't never lied, Steve Perry!!! "Loving a military man ain't always what it's supposed to be... ohhhh girl..."

R did much eye rolling and "Oh My God"ing but you know he loved it. 

As we drew closer to the airport, Girl I'm Gonna Miss You by Milli Vanilli came on which I barely remember but started to make me wonder if the 80s had a shit ton of "missing you" songs or if Slacker radio decided to play them ALL yesterday in our honor.

We get outside the terminal, we hugged and stuff and you know, yeah. I wasn't crying at all but then R held me extra tight and asked, "Are you going to be ok?" At which point, I started crying. Dammit! Listen, if I'm ever on the brink of tears, don't ever ask if I'm ok because the tears will flow. I think R knows this about me and I think he wanted to see a tear or two so he could know his work here? Oh, it was done. 

I drive away, determined to not bawl this time since I'm a heinously ugly crier and I still wanted to make the gym. I can't be walking up in there looking like I got beat up or recently had an intense facial (extra extractions, please!)

I turn the radio back up and this comes on. At which point I finally determined Slacker radio was fucking with me so I unplugged my phone and tossed it out the window. 

The End.