I let my blog lapse for a while. I didn't have much to say. Actually I had too much to say and I didn't know where to begin. I remember reading once when you're faced with, like, a messy house to start in one small area and work yourself out. So that's what I do when I see piles of shit everywhere. I put this pile away, then that pile, shove that pile under the bed, try to toss yet another pile in the recycling. You get the idea.
Let's deal with the biggest emotional pile we have here today: Autism. If you hadn't already heard, although I don't think anyone reads this blog that isn't friends with me via some form of social media, Can-man is on the road to being medically diagnosed for autism (I used that phrase "on the road" one time and someone actually thought I meant he was ON THE ROAD. Like you travel in some sort of caravan or motorhome to Autism City like Emerald City in the Wizard of Oz. It's a figure of speech, bozo.)
The only reason why Can-man hasn't been medically diagnosed is it takes fucking forever and I'm not even kidding. No, I'm not trying to rush a diagnosis but it would be nice to not wait 6 months in between appointments. I seriously can't even go there because it makes me stabby, rage-y, all sorts of shit I don't have the proper pharmaceuticals to deal with it all.
Anyway, the school district has already "qualified" him for autism services, they are always very quick to point out he "qualifies" because they do not "diagnose." Noted, now stop beating me over the head with it and I promise I won't sue you.
Can-man started an intensive autism preschool his 3rd birthday, with a week's warning. The month of April pretty much sucked ass and May following sucked, too. I'm waiting for things to settle, for us both to get used to this routine, for us both to understand what's expected from us. He, he has a reason, he's still trying to meld together those broken connections in his brain. I don't really have an excuse other than ... I'm a little devastated. I'm waiting for the day I won't be devastated anymore and I don't know if that day will ever come.
Sure, there is some relief because I always knew something was different about Can-man from pretty much a few weeks after he was born. Please don't talk to me about GMOs and vaccinations and bullshit bullshit bullshit. I know my son, and I also have been a mother before. Can-man was ALWAYS different.
I could never put my finger on it, really. I thought maybe I was being over-protective since I was an older mom this go-round but I never even trusted many people to watch Can-man when he was younger. His dad of course and his older brother. That's pretty much it. Can-man was never bad, per se, he was just always what I called "particular." And now we know why. Yay?
So, that's what brings us today and why I'm going to try posting again. I need my space to get my thoughts out and I'm tired of wearing out Facebook to do it. Being a parent to a special needs child can oftentimes feel like a very lonely existence. You have friends, you have family, you have maybe a support group, teachers, etc. But there's always the times when you feel completely, and utterly alone. Here's hoping the blog helps. Because therapy is expensive and wine gives me hangovers.
Enjoy your Saturday, all.
To clarify a couple of points: the person who thought people actually went "on the road" to get diagnosed for autism was in no way ASD at all. I'm very well aware of those that are on the spectrum not getting sarcasm or things of that nature.
Also, I don't think any of the reasons people believe what caused autism are bullshit, I just don't care to hear them. When the topic comes up in my Facebook support group, I scroll right on past. I used to be a "why" person in other areas of my life but being in a military relationship as long as I was, you learn that you're not going to get a lot of questions answered. Sure we'll probably do the genetic testing at some point if the opportunity presents itself but other than that, unless they come out with some sort of shot that *poof* clears up autism just like that, I don't want to sit and ponder it. It's here, it's here to stay, I'm not wasting energy on trying to figure it out. I have to save that energy for trying to help Can-man and that's what I'm concentrating on. That is all.